My Beautiful Portia

Portia at her finest 

      It's kinda strange that my wife knows what is stressing me. I have tried my best to make it seem as if nothing was wrong but she told me I've been talking to myself, avoiding her, and scratching my head while I stamped my foot. She keeps insisting that this isn't let me do my everyday activities, I know I haven't been eating or sleeping or talking that much but I can not let her know what the real reason is. She is starting to get on my nerves a little bit. I know she has a right to know and she wants to know but I can not tell her. Portia has made me feel horrible. Our marriage is everything to me and I would never hurt her but this secret has to stay between us conspirators. I promised I'd tell her my commitments, but I don't want to frigthen her or worry her. She deserves better than that. I really hope she does not find out until after what is done, is done.
     Portia has a habit for over reacting. I'm just trying to protect her. She usually takes drastic measures if she finds out information that she does not like to hear. She is overdramatic. I hope this doesn't lead her to do something she'll regret. I keep saying " I hope", I hope I can stop with this and stop worrying about my wife. I will tell her soon and hopefully she understands me and does not judge me. She isn't the kind of person to judge but I have never killed anyone and she might not like this side of me. I don't even think I am. I'm starting to regret this but I committed and it wouldn't be the honorable thing to back out now. I must get focused and prepare myself for what will happen.